we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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