Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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