Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
