I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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