im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
