we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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