Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
