The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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