Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I love having hate sex.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
