$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my being single is dangerous.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
