That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
