Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Girls should come with a carfax report
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
