I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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