So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
