she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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