the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
