Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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