Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Randomize
