you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
