who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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