My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
