I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
