i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
