I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
