So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
do herpes really smell.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
