Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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