I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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