You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's shark week go big or go home
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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