Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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