god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Non-Jews are for practice
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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