Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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