i can't believe i had my finger in that
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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