I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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