I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
