To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You're a waste of cheezeits
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
