i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
