dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
