You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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