i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
