my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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