I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
