Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
