i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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