chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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