apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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