(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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