I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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