My sheets look like a crime scene.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
