you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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