I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize