You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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