i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
