oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
