my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize