Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
