My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
