Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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