I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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