She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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