I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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