The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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