OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
