I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
