They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
