if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
