I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
