I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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