You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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