I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
