i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
