New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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