they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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