did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize